your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
