Apparently you make a good broom.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize