Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You are a genius and a whore.
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