so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
