C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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