I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
