So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
