Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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