Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
