After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize