Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
