Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
