I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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