I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
