That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
being pregnant is like rehab
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
