So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
