She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
