we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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