It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
