Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
