also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
