okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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