Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
