he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
