you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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