There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
