You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
