alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
