is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
