He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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