guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
