I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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