The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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