I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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