Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
then he tried to convert me to islam
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
