My brain says no but my pants say off.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
