talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
