apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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