You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
