I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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