Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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