On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
