I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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