dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
