Got a toothbrush?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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