yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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