how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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