I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
