oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
