um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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