A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
