Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
