ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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