I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize