just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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