dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
