I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
soo... how was my night?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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