I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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