Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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