Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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