How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
