Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
