Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
