her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think people are normalizing furries
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
