did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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