Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
