i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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