I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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