what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
