Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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