Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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