So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
