put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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