she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
